Block Out The World!

MOOD: UPSET

MUSIC: Billy Joel....PRESSURE

ITS ALL HOW WE RESPOND TO PRESSURE!!!!!!!!!!!

Work sucks,(take your Peter Pan advice and shove it!) people suck. It's not about your workers, but the green in your jeans. People moving as robots.People need individual care. Not cookie cutter antics. Its always about the bottom line or dollar now a days. Not care of/for someone or products consumers receives. People drive like idiots. We have MORE medicine but sicker people. We have MORE books and LESS knowledge!! Then if that isn't enough I get this when I get home....

Just got off the phone with my mom. I listened to her tell me how she was in the ER last night and no one bothered to call me. Says she didn't want to upset me! ARE YOU KIDDING WITH THIS!!!! She said that she just couldn't breath well any longer, even though she is on oxygen every test on her they could think of. I'm sure the lung cancer has lingering effects to last your whole life. "You are my mother, how can I not worry?" It wouldn't matter well or unwell, I want to know how you are, today, tomorrow and the next. Our lives have changed so much over the past few years. And I HATE myself every for some of the choices I made. But, none the less, I can not change that back in the past, just live for today and think about how things can be better tomorrow.

My coping mechenizisms are not so good and I worry about EVERYTHING! I am surprised I am not a tattered mess or a collapsed heap. I don't know how to just relax my mind. When I go to bed at night I lay there, awake, staring at my ceiling. Then that makes me MORE upset. You see, when I was back home in Toledo, I took some glow in the dark stars from my nephews ceiling. So when I lay in bed at night, we are looking a the same stars at night. Just tears me up. As I am getting older, I see the importance of family and good friends in ones life.

Time for a hot shower. The shower, ya know..I have learned is a good place to just cry. In there, no one can hear you and you can weep through your very soul.

Mom, I love you very much....Thinking of you as I always do...