Thank You!

Repost from my Yahoo 360 weblog

Thank you , thank you!

Good grief...THANK YOU THANK YOU..To have someone from out of the blue, wish you well on your health, when they didnt give a shit in the past,lol. If anything I have learned it is to look out for yourself. There are ALOT of people out there that just use you for whatever reason. At one point in my life, I was so far down I didnt know how to get out. I let my daughter go live 1200 miles away from me, my mom moved in with my brother because I couldnt care for her on my own. (she has lung cancer) And the person has the nerve to tell me I didnt care for him? WHAT THE FUCK....maybe you are right. Maybe when I look back on it...I felt the need to see who I was inside and out. I dont think I was a good person for letting the ones I loved the most, my daughter and my mother go. Blood is thicker then water as they say, sometimes it takes a kick in the ass to see that. Perhaps the two of them have forgiven me for my mistakes, but there isnt a day now, when I look at my daughter or hear my mom on the phone, that I wish I could take it all back. I know my mom is torn when I tell her she can come back and live with me. One, becuase she helps out with my nephew and gets to see him grow up, just as she did with Katelyn. And two, maybe she just doesnt trust me enough, thats fair, I guess, and I understand. The ache I have inside sometimes is unbareable and I dont know how to cope with it, I get by, I just dont know how I do somedays.
I just dont know where some get off in telling you how YOU feel. If you know how "I" feel, then why did/do you treat me like shit. I mean, if you truely know, they why do what you do/did? Please! DONT TELL ME HOW I FEEL/FELT!
I have grown alot over the past few years. My patience has grown, although it may be slight to some, its big to me. My love about/for family is still there, thats a great thing. I will be 36 in a few weeks, and I would like to think I am gaining some sort of wisdom. I do now relize that some people just love to push your buttons to get you going. I have become more AWARE of this, therefore I back down more when it comes to confrontations from others. They do it to see if they can get a rise outta me. Sometimes I just say, "thank you" or laugh at them when I see the red flag go up. Some people will just never grow or grow up to deal with adult issues. ( we all have a kid within us)Then there are the times when someone says something and after they leave I cry or say, "what the hell were they thinking to say." But all in all.....no matter what....you helped me grow and grow up even more...so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Artist: Alanis Morissette
Song: Thank You

How bout getting off of these antibiotics
How bout stopping eating when I'm full up
How bout them transparent dangling carrotsHow bout that ever elusive kudo
Thank you India
Thank you terror Thank you disillusionment Thank you frailty Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence
How bout me not blaming you for everything
How bout me enjoying the moment for once
How bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
How bout grieving it all one at a time
Thank you India
Thank you terror Thank you disillusionment Thank you frailty Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence
The moment I let go of it was The moment I got more than I could handle The moment I jumped off of it was The moment I touched down
How bout no longer being masochistic
How bout remembering your divinity
How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How bout not equating death with stopping
Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness Thank you clarityT hank you thank you silence
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
Monday, Jan 9, 2006 - 05:45pm (EST)