Sunday, March 19, 2006

Stop and smell the flowers...


Mood: ?
Music:Control Myself-LL Cool J

Can we all just stop that damn insanity???There are so many days right now that I just don't seem like myself. I am starting to wonder at this point in my life, if I even know what that might be. I don't think it is so much of a depression, but an anger.Mood swings are worse then I have ever had before. Could be anything from my asshole boss, to hormones, stress, anxiety, family issues.Just add another swoop of poop in the bowl I guess. It will all work out, I hope. Certainly don't want to be on meds and walk around like a zombie.

Glad that spring is around the corner. I like all the seasons but I think winter is the bottom of the four. Being able to get outside more and do more things in the yard. Love to garden, cut the grass then sit back and have some tea and enjoy it, listening to the birds. Oh, damn, how sappy is all that? That's ok, YOLO!!! Enjoy it the way you want too. I used to have this great back yard with about 500 bulbs that me and my mom planted one year, hostas, pine trees. Was neat to watch the wild life come around and mill around there, UNTIL they started to eat the bulbs :(.
Honeysuckle, lilacs, and sunflowers all my favorites. I don't care for the old stand bys like red roses and such. I did have a few rose bushes, lavender and yellow. Butterfly bushes are cool too, they attract so many "butters". How can someone not be fascinated by hummers too. I used to hang the feeders right above my patio chair. At first when they would swoop in, it sounded like a large bee, it would scare me, then make me laugh for being so silly to jump in the first place. Then I would sit there, quietly (I know, that doesn't seem possible...hehe)and wait for them to fly by me again..AWESOME.
It seems to me, right now , that I need to get back into my blogging, even if what I type makes no sense to know one else but me. Well, that's why I do it anyhow, for me. Makes no difference if anyone else reads these senseless blurbs I type. In the few minutes that I have be back into this spot I feel calm. Maybe it is because I have control of the words, the form and content and no one can tell me differantly. Eh, who knows? I try not to sit at the PC too often. Been back to working out a few days a week. Sometimes the more pissed I get the more I work out at the gym. That's good, to a point. High blood pressure is in my family and I don't want anyone to piss me off to the point of my heart crapping out on me. So sometimes ( in my head , of course) I tell them fuck you! I COME FIRST!
JUST STOP AND SMELL THE FLOWERS!
"I think about it over and over again.. I can't take it, I can't shake it." "I think she is leaving, yeah, shes leavin'.."
"It's all in my head..the choice I made keeps playing over and over again...I can't go on NOT loving you..."

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