Flowers & memories

Mood: mellow
Music: Walk Over Me--Dirtie Blonde
Went over to John and Getta's the other day. I knew that lilacs where Nicole's favorite flower, mine as well, so I bought John a bush. I told him to plant it where ever he felt, something like a memory garden or at her resting spot once it settled down somewhat.Let beauty surround her as her beauty surround us all. In life and in death. We told him to water it but he insisted it stay in the house a few days and he would water it in the house.
Lilacs and the smell always take me back to my childhood. My grandparents had them in their back yard. I swear if I take in there intoxicating fragrance and close my eyes, I am back in the yard again. Then it brings tears to my eyes.

John seemed so out of sorts, lost if you will. I am sure that doesn't describe what he is feeling. John was very restless and clearly not with us when we where talking at times. It just rips me inside to see him hurting so much. But like I said before, all you can do, is just be there. I don't care what some say, I don't think the pain ever goes away. I still cry over my grandparents passing and others as well. It just doesn't fade, for me.
I must have been to her resting spot a number of times since her passing. I just can't get a grip on death. To know someone you love is gone and buried. I just talk to her, as if she can hear me. In my heart she does. I just tell her thank you for changing my life in such a profound way. You never know how someone can change your life, even in a little way. What is someone's mole hill, may be someone else's mountain.

Can't wait to see the family for the 4th of July.Haven't seen them since Christmas, which part of it was a total mess, thanks to some asshole family members I have. I think everyone has a nut or two in the family tree. My nephew has stated I will be sleeping with Winnie the pooh in his play room. Good lord!!! LOL. I am looking forward to playing with him. When I am with him he teaches more then I could ever imagine. His autism makes him so smart, smarter then some adults I know. Should be a good trip. Always hard to leave from a visit.

Short blog tonight, nose and face are feeling numb again. I will be so damn glad to get this thing fixed, AGAIN! Maybe they can get it right this time..... :(

Peace & Love
M&M
PS....One year ago today El Dialbo...I love you. Wish we where there again.....